Courthouse Shenanigans (ft. Santonio Holmes)

Pittsburgh Courthouse

Baliff: All rise

Judge: Mr. Del Greco is there a reason your client is not here today?

Del Greco: Offseason training to bring our down trodden city something good to hold on to. I’m here to file a motion that the search was unconstitutional.

Judge: Unconstitutional!? On what grounds?

Del Greco: The man is a muthafukin legend! He made one of the best catches in football history.

Courtroom breaks out in wild cheering

Judge: (wipes brow with Terrible Towel) Ok Mr. Del Greco, we’ll see you back here on the 22^nd for pretrial.

Del Greco: Santonio, things went well, you’re looking at maybe 30 days probation, $500 fine.

Santonio: Fo real!! Well ain’t that the shit. Great job Mister Lawyer dude. Let me share the good news. (Hangs up)

(To everyone in the room) Time to party bitches!

Santonio: I’ll be right back, need to get the Sticky Icky for this celebration.

(Leaves to the Greenroom)

Santonio: #10 you gots it all. Ring, Super Bowl MVP, but it nutin compared to …

Ooooh Sticky Icky. You’re the real breakfast of champions. And fuck Wheaties for not agreeing with me. Im Super Bowl MVP and smoke this shit for breakfast. That makes you championship breakfast material to me Sticky. (Heads back to the party)

Mike Tomlin: Santonio, what the fuck are you doing!?

Santonio: Omar its cool, only a $500 fine. I opened a 2^nd bank account to take care of all future fines. I’m good for another 100 offensives. (Congratulatory fist pound left hanging as Tomlin leaves)

(In Car)

Tomlin: Jesus! What the fuck are we gonna do with Porter 2.0?

Meanwhile…………..

CO#1: I heard Santonio's only gonna get probation and a fine.

CO#2: Well that’s a relieve. There isn’t enough stitches in the building to deal with a horse like him

(Cheers go up throughout the jail)